Category: Dating and Relationships
Well I just got out of a pretty bad relationship. I was led to believe there was something there between the guy and I. His name will be withheld. But I didn't realise the pattern until today while sipping soda at the Barnes & Nobles cafe. I grabbed my soda, a few napkins, straw and found a seat. Just sipping soda while listening to easy insturmental music. I started thinking about him again. As I sent my last goodbye and a much painful one to him the day before. Friends of mine are proud that I did what I did to show how strong I am inside not to take that kind of pain from a guy. But I started to really think which I wanted to avoid thinking about this all together. Wrong time, wrong place but it had to happen. Was this guy leading me on as well? I just noticed that when he started showing feelings for me this one other girl was kinda being led on as well. I don't know all of the facts but it sure as felt that there was a pattern and I was target #2. He led her on to believe there was something there. I remember him telling me what she was telling him in ful explicit detail on Messenger. And he let me over hear one of the emails she sent him and I kinda sensed she felt there was something there. I felt bad but he said and assured me there wasn't. But I was wrong as I was now in this persons shoes. He's with someone else and now I wonder if he'll lead her on as well. One can wonder but I'd like to know from my fellow Zoners have you been in this position before and how did you deal with it? All I did was tell him like it is and move on. But I've been letting out the emotions in my journal and or telling close, but trusted friends. So I would like to hear your input and stories on this topic. I don't feel depressed, for once I do feel calm and happy. But the last few weeks I've been rather angry and annoyed by the person.
hmmm yes my story is kinda similar though the other person will say it's definitely not the case. No I did not believe I was in a relationship with him (despite what he says -- he reckons I was going around telling everyone we were together, and no matter how hard I tried telling him otherwise, he continued to believe it) .. and yeah he was the first guy I ever ever loved (and it was when he came along I knew what love was). so he knew about this yet he chose not to talk to me about this straight away. instead he decided to leave me kind of wondering, and maybe, too much unbeknowns to him, hoping. So he comes over a few times; by the time of my birthday things were very difficult and he had to try and let me know how it was really for him. But I felt too involved. I was trapped and could practically do nothing.
So we had been kinda speaking on and off since. We are not talking right now and it's for the best at the moment. This other girl got involved. she rebounded from another relationship and so of course it didn't last which I knew it wouldn't but what could I do? Guy was at the stage (which he'd been at for a while) that he would not listen to me and certainly didn't believe me. And this is the really silly part. he went around telling everyone "I was obsessed" with him and further "obsessed with all kinds of shit)
OK so in the end he just thought i was totally out to hurt him which is just so far from the truth it's scarey!
I honestly don't believe he "led me on" this way intentionally but I think there were gaps in our communication. And girls and guys can differ in the way they think and perceive things.
So no we're not really friends right now. I was very very angry and hurt for a long time. it took a lot of work to move on but I finally have been able to do it and of course I am so greatful for that. I do hope one day we can be friends again (it's not like me to hold grudges) but for now I'm doing what's best I think)
Man I ranted a lot, but I guess the point I am trying to make .. is communication is the key to any relationship. Girls, if your guys say they're being honest with you, but you know you are not getting it all from them, you can only do so much whindging at them before you should let it go and hopefully try and preserve a friendship.
And guys .. same goes. If you feel your girls are getting clingy and you just don't feel the same about them as they obviously do to you, for goodness sakes, do yourself, and them, a favour and let them know! It saves a whole lot of heartache in the end, and hopefully a friendship.
Cheers!
Yeah, one of my best friends had that problem. And when she realized it, I said, and I'll say it again, that guy isn't worth it. There is someone out there for everyone who will love them for who they are. Guys who are going to mess around like that don't deserve a good lover.
Yep I've had that happen. But I feel the trick is to always be observant and you might learn things about the other person before you get too involved. <smile> keeping my guard up has helped me not get hurt by guys I knew were full of shit. But then again if you do get led on and hurt, just suck it up and keep it as experience.